There is a question I have always been asked and I don’t have the answer to – how many sexual partners is it acceptable for a woman to have had? As luck may have it, this question has been a relationship breaker time and again. On the flip side, the number of women a man has bedded is lauded and applauded the higher his body count. Such double standards, sadly, are our daily bread. Stand warned, I do not have a round figure that is “acceptable” by moral standards, neither do I believe in body count being relevant unless you’re a homicidal maniac.

Joan Arc

For a woman, from the time virginity is lost assuming it is in the late teens to the point of settling with the one that you think is The One assuming it is late 20’s to early 30’s, there is (obviously) a substantial number of lovers in between. How the body count is relevant in a relationship, I don’t understand. What I understand is the need to be one with each other and honest with each other. Getting into these details of “how many men / women have you slept with?” may end up in a cold case love leaving nothing but prints, pictures and white outlines at the crime scene. See, I think society is wildly unfair in how they handle this information basing on gender. I therefore think it should remain in the deep recesses of history.

Although I would love for such information to remain private (what you don’t know won’t kill you), people in relationships want to drag this sordid history out of hiding, dust the book and read it page by page. This is bound to break hearts, especially in situations where her body count more than triples his. Egos are deflated, derogatory words start to dominate how he describes her (whore, slut, et cetera) and suddenly there is a general feeling of mistrust because she has been more adventurous with her sexuality than he has. She can never speak about it in open discussion because these words will come back to describe her (whore, slut) but when he talks about his, trophies will be polished, plaques shined and a crown placed upon his head. The hypocrisy!


I once had a conversation with a very dear person to me about my writing, and I told him the sexual advances I have so far received. My readers from all over the globe have reached out to me, most of them male, asking for a piece of me. I have so far managed to keep these requests under control (my existing body count is neither on the high nor the low side and I am not keeping count anyway) for reasons that may not be so obvious to you know. The resounding questions, however, from many of them, has been on the acceptable number. See, when we are young, we tend to focus on quantity, and we get into quality as we grow older. Why are you unsatisfied with the fact that she gives quality head? Must you know which one of her exes said “put your lips like this” or which one sent her a link to one of my posts? Oh, what malarkey!

Even with women emancipation and chest thumping displays of testosterone by feminists, the protectors of all things female, the status quo on sexual partners is not about to change. Guys will come up with shit like a master key opens many locks but one lock can’t be opened by many keys and la di da (bullshit!) and a sexually adventurous woman will always be considered a whore. Just like a man who will not give up is assertive or persistent but a woman with the same qualities is a bitch. And if a man sleeps up the ladder, he’s a conqueror in the same league as Alexander the Great, Pharaoh Thutmose, Attila the Hun and Caesar but a woman is a social climber. Dick game too strong, they say.


So here’s my answer, body count is irrelevant. You as an individual should render it thus and let it remain just a number. Aaliyah sang that age ain’t nothing but a number, and I am saying that body count ain’t nothing but a number. It shouldn’t matter how many were there before you, your sole goal should be to be the only one leaving an indelible mark, and setting the bar ridiculously high that it may be near impossible to break that glass ceiling. While you’re at it, stay safe. Use a condom – Durex is available worldwide. 

20 thoughts on “BODY COUNT RELEVANCE

  1. “Getting into these details of “how many men / women have you slept with?” may end up in a cold case love leaving nothing but prints, pictures and white outlines at the crime scene”…this paints such a nice image, but I agree, it should be irrelevant


  2. Stone me later but I think body count is relevant… (Before I get shot) to an individual.
    In relationships of course this should not even be topic of conversation. But if we completely ignore the numbers piling up in our closets as individuals then that makes our parts (pums and mandingos) as filthy as that second hand bikini no one ever wants to wear. Here’s the thing, the fact that this should not be talked about between two people putting their parts in each other doesn’t mean that neither person thinks about it. Matter of fact your partner may also be wondering who’s going in when he or she is out of town. If body count wasn’t relevant, then it would be a comfortable topic of conversation like how many countries a person has been to.
    You love Sex and the City right, remember when Miranda and Steve compared numbers, I have never seen a more casual conversation; and that was because they’re in a society(NYC) where “whore” won’t be stamped on your CV in a heartbeat. But because our minds and upbringing are set to treasure our sexperiences; having a scroll longer than any ancient laws ever to exist is embarrassing even to the person you get with (who’s wondering how many of his/her friends are on the scroll) Making it a relevant issue that should never be tampered with. Like that elephant in the room you have to ignore until what a person means to you grows into something much bigger. My thing with body count is »» watch your numbers, just don’t tell.


  3. I think it is only relevant only if brought up in conversation.
    On the issue of it ever going away, I wouldn’t lose hope just yet; I’d like to think this is one of those Martin Luther cases where he never gets to see the change, had all the hope in the world and almost lost it all, but change did come at last and though not to everyone’s expectations and with more to do, it came nevertheless.
    let’s remain hopeful and spread messages such as this one to light up the first candle.


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