AFTERMATH

I have been a prolific literotica blogger for a little over five years now, and the job has definitely come with pros and cons. While some of my esteemed audience takes what I write to heart to improve their intimate lives and sometimes relationships, others see my work as a catcall for every thirsty human to come get a piece of my ass. The advances came in e-mails, Twitter DMs, Facebook inboxes and in physical form, especially since I started making TV appearances in Kampala. Some of these were out rightly violent as I documented in a Twitter thread, shaking me to the core. I have been assaulted, body shamed, slut shamed, denied opportunities that I have earned simply because I refused to put out and everything in-between, simply because of my chosen art form. The ramifications of my explicit literotica have worked for me and come to bite me in the ass on several occasions, and if I were a glass half empty person, I would think that the negatives were the universe’s way of telling me to quit this “suicide mission”. Au contraire, it only emphasizes the impact of my work and keeps me going.

Still not

I can guarantee you that the life of a literotica writer is not as glamorous as it may seem; like I said, I was scared by the impact of my work. The good scared and the bad scared. But here’s the thing; if so many people are affected by the content, it means two things; first, people are consuming and interacting with your content, and secondly, they are eager (although sometimes misguided) to try out what they have picked up. The million dollar question therefore is, how do I, as a literotica writer, protect myself from such advances? Personally, I find that question offensive to the maximum, because in this unfortunate culture where rape and sexual assault against women is mostly sneered at and swept under the rug and in some instances applauded, glorified and encouraged (grab ’em by the pussy, anyone?), no amount of protecting myself will stop a pervert from attacking me. All I am left with is my content as my armor and my self defense skills as my sword against potential attackers. 

When I start to type a post, my intention is definitely not to put up a classified ad in search for a sexual partner or  several. My box is well taken care of; thank you for offering but no thanks. My motives have always been two; to educate and entertain. Nevertheless, some of my audience are pigheaded and blinded by lust, to them that is a clear indicator that I am “thirsty”; polite reminder – you are not living water neither are you Christ. Again, I say, I am fine. Many such writers have been forced to blog in anonymity or to altogether give up this beautiful form of literature simply because of the risks posed by a few rotten tomatoes that can barely keep their hands to themselves let alone their pants up. It’s unfortunate, but it is the sad reality. 

I don’t blame these rotten tomatoes though; I blame our society. The very fabric of it is rotten to the very core, firmly entrenched in less than human beliefs and appalling double standards, and very few of us are bothered enough to unearth this rot. This very rot has been made acceptable and normalized in the ugly form of male privilege and female oppression, and if we the female dare speak up, we are labeled insipid, rabid, frigid, sexless, unloved, ugly, bitter and angry, and every negative adjective used to describe feminism today. As women, we are not allowed to be sexual beings, we are not allowed to glorify our bodies in the way we dress and the make up we wear, inter alia. We must exist within the parameters society deems acceptable for women to exist in. Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, in her book “We Should All Be Feminists” and quoted by Beyonce in “Flawless” says this of girls:

We teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller. We say to girls, “You can have ambition, but not too much. You should aim to be successful but not too successful, otherwise you will threaten the man.” Because I am female I am expected to aspire to marriage. I am expected to make my life choices always keeping in mind that marriage is the most important. Now marriage can be a source of joy and love and mutual support, but why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage and we don’t teach boys the same? We raise girls to see each other as competitors, not for jobs or for accomplishments – which I think can be a good thing – but for the attention of men. We teach girls that they cannot be sexual beings in the way that boys are.

Why am I quoting Chimamanda yet the topic is literotica writing and it’s repercussions, you may ask? It’s really simple. First of all, most literotica writers are female, and are prone to sexual assault as a result of the literature they put out. This, sadly, is the society we live in. This is how we are raising our daughters and sons, all the while avoiding the conversations that are regarded as taboo in our culture. As luck may have it, one of those conversations is sex; we leave the kids to go find out on their own how sex works and they end up misusing it, then we display our sanctimonious ire for all to see when things go awry. We also make it our business to shut those who speak openly about sex up – literotica writers and feminists –  labeling them and censoring them, stashing them away in boxes hidden in dank, dark basements. We want the system to work but nobody wants to do the dirty work. 

Flawless

Fear not, however. There is a silver lining in all this. It is from literotica writing that conversations around sex and sexuality come to the forefront, and the more this information is out there and available, the better for the next generation, and the one after, and the one after. It is a domino effect; one of us steps up, speaks up and fights, the rest follow suit. Rome was not built in a day. So, to any literotica writer out there who may be afraid to pursue this art form, do not be afraid. Come forth with your art, share it with the world and do not be scared into silence. Use your art, use your voice, use your talent and use the platforms available to you. The rotten tomatoes will always be there, but let that be the gasoline to your flame.  And as Kemiyondo (@Kemi_stry), a favorite feminist of mine says, Trust the Process. Hold the Vision. 

Artistic Nude

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10 thoughts on “AFTERMATH

  1. I had missed that thread on Twitter, but certainly wasn’t going to miss this one. It’s extremely saddening of what you went (and possibly will continue to) go through.
    With the recently concluded talks on #WomenInMedia I had wondered if this side of the discussion was going to be brought to light. It is, in my opinion, a vital aspect of the topic that should be discussed.

    On the topic societal customs and their misguided approach to raising the young, I’d like to point out the need for boys to be shown and taught the importance of “consent”. And also the value of respecting the opposite gender, just as much as girls are taught to respect males.

    Thank you, Marie for sharing your experience. For being bold, and for your desire to inspire change.

    Like

    • Even the longest journey starts with one step. This is my one step.Where it’ll take us, only God knows. But my hope is it takes us to an ideal society for our kids to thrive.

      Like

  2. Have a friend all she can think about is marriage and making babies and a man to take care of her. Have tried to get her out of that state of mind since I started reading your blog even tried to encourage her to read it so she can get to know her self worth is not based on a man and societal approval. She has now become bitter and hate filled that I now see her ruining her life. What she doesn’t realize is that any good man she gets she transmits the hate anger and mistrust that he turns away after all they feel she is damaged goods not realizing she is doing it to her self. How I wish I could meet a woman of your caliber rather than the brainless ninies she hangs with.
    Your blog has opened my mind to a lot that I had never considered befor. Thank you.

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  3. Oh my! This has deeply moved me. How am I only seeing that twitter thread now?
    I meet a lot of misguided people every day and I know it takes a lot to change a mindset. However, I am thankful for you and your gift, and I pray that God protects and guides you through it all. Thank you for your “one step” and the many more that I am sure you are yet to take. May we all have boldness, shamelessness and unapologetic courage to stand up for ourselves, always! Lots of love. Xx.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. It is not unheard of for several works of art and genius to have their efforts to add a positive mark of influence and impact a productive change thwarted, and hence led a handful of interested parties to believe that the future is bleak. It is a breath of fresh air to see people like yourself rise up to reverse those mental blocks and false beliefs, and instead to continue with the fight to bring these art forms back to life in the mainstream bodies of influence, platforms and proverbial cap.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Been away making babies with the man who married me. 🙂 So I did not see that Twitter thread. I am so sorry you have/had to go through shit like that. Too many people carrying around too much sex-related guilt. Too many people in need of sexual therapy and no idea how they’ll get it. Too many perverts, repressed idiots and abused children trying to make sense of the world. Sex has been so corrupted and the spaces to have healthy, helpful conversations about it are non-existent. I think you help people, and I hope that knowledge will give you comfort on the bad days.

    Liked by 1 person

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